Heartily sick of drama

[treeskin]

Well, I finished and sent that letter last night. The response I got was not what I had hoped; I had been hoping that X would address my question more directly. I will go back and read it again later when I'm more awake.

I just don't know anymore. X is pushing, still, for more information--IM logs, anything X can think of. But none of that has made X any happier, or even that much better informed, I think. If X doesn't know who or what to trust anymore, then how is having IM logs and my old journals going to help? It's nothing new, there's not information there. In fact, X has already seen most of the content, in one form or another.

There is a finite amount of "truth" in this, and frankly, most of it obscured by time and passions and the memories of busy people. The ongoing "voyage of discovery" will not solve anything.

I think X is upset about a set of comments I left in dot_poly_snark last month, and I'm afraid all I can think of for a reply is "hey, I need to vent too". We've been involved in this since the end of May, first at Y's request, then Y & Q, then X. Okay people, enough. If you don't like what's said, it's up to you to change it. We didn't make these choices, all we've done is try to help you figure out how to climb out of the hole you've dug. You don't like the advice, stop asking.

I don't like how much self-analysis I've started doing--what can I say, and to whom? what will they think when I do thus-and-such? will this statement come back to haunt me? I've even started wondering if Pet wasn't an honest attraction, but a search for escape from the stress, which would not be fair to him at all.

And I'm going to spend the day alone, so my mind will likely stay in the spiral it's already in. Argh.

Comments

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

I've seen the way you behave with Pet. There is an honest attraction there. Yes, it would be unfair to him if you were treating him like a stress outlet, but I don't think you are. He's a sweet kid.

X needs to grow up. I know you've felt like you had to be there for her, I know that you've felt guilty that you didn't stop things--whether you truly had that ability or not--but there comes a point at which you must say "Enough!" and I think you're approaching that point.

You should not have to constantly consider what you say for fear it will upset X and she'll Do Something Drastic. I told you at the time that when you get into the pattern of pussyfooting around someone for fear they'll hurt themselves, it becomes a pattern that it's very hard to get out of, because they know they have you, and that they can now do whatever they want, and as long as whatever they want includes playing that card, you'll roll over and take it.

I'm not a big proponent of rolling over and taking it. As you may have guessed.

Now is not the time to dredge, now is the time to heal and move into a new season. I would suggest to X that this is a time of endings, and that she devote her Samhain to putting this to rest, and start her New Year with a new outlook.

My two cents. And my blessing.

[treeskin.livejournal.com]

Thanks, love.

I needed a talking to this morning, and I was afraid no one would be around to give it. I'm too much in my head today to pull myself out without help.

I have hit the "enough" point this morning.

I am really not that worried about how X decides to interpret what I said in vent, on another community. I did tell X that lj is where I vent; if X doesn't like that, X doesn't have to look. It's just frustration; I almost feel like X is looking for signs we're attacking her. Dammit, if I didn't think X (or Y & Q, for that matter) were worthwhile people, I would have washed my hands of the whole business a long time ago.

As for Pet, I've been thinking about that a lot (probably too much) the last couple of days. I don't think I'm just using him for stress release. So now I need to put that worry away.

He is a sweet boy, isn't he?

*sigh*

Humans.

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

I think that when you told X that you weren't going to stop being Q's friend, X decided that when you're not for her, you're against her, and she is looking for signs that you're attacking her so she can be hurt and mad at you guys too.

She's acting like a child.

Further, by her antics and immaturity, she's pushed the two people who were actually supporting her to the point where they can't take it anymore. This is all her. People are deserting me, she sobs. Well, yes. When you demand that they choose between you and someone else, when you interrogate them relentlessly, when you subject them to your constant drama...yes. People will desert you. There has to be some kind of positive payout to friendship, or it's not friendship at all. She says she wants friends, but I'm not so sure she realizes that there's a difference between enablers and friends.

[treeskin.livejournal.com]

As much as I want to believe you're wrong, I don't think you are.

I say again, humans. Mrph.

[noveldevice.livejournal.com]

Do you know anything about hydrangeas? Like, if you're supposed to prune them in the fall or anything? A has some out-of-control hydrangeas.

[treeskin.livejournal.com]

Depends on the type. If it's the big pompom-type (Hydrangea macrophylla), you prune right after they bloom, because they form next year's flower buds on the wood that grows from July-Sept, and pruning now would cut them off. Take about 1/3 of the old wood at a time; you can prune them progressively shorter over 2-3 yrs.

Personally, I don't like to prune things with hollow stems until spring, because you can get water in the crown of the plant, which can freeze or rot the crowns. (So hydrangeas, most mint family, perennial sunflowers....)

Hmmm. My Forest Farm catalog says the same treatment for the other kinds. *shrug*

That about exhausts my knowledge of hydrangeas.