Drama for everyone
Oct. 3rd, 2003 07:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
treeskinI have been asked by one of the participants to make my locked posts on the ongoing saga available publicly. While I can see that person's viewpoint, at least one other participant is not comfortable with that level of publicity, so I will further posts public, names disguised. Past posts I will send to the person who asked for them.
Had a nice long phone call with Y this evening. Partly to check on him, and partly to clear up a cryptic, but explosive, email I had received from X earlier in the day.
Apparently, X had asked for complete honesty, and got it. And was predictably very upset by what was said.
As far as the phone call goes, Y said some things I was hoping he would say, about how he screwed up and there was no justificaiton for what he did. About how he/they got to point they are now. About how X was trying to make a safe space (his words) to discuss issues each were bothered by. About how X agreed to work harder to fix some of his legal issues (a major sticking point).
And at the same time, a part of me has to wonder, how much was genuine, and how much was just what I wanted to hear? I hate being suspicious of my friends.
About the emails I received from X--let's just say they were typed at the end of long hours of emotional storms, and I don't know whether I should respond at all, or just leave it until X calms down again. They were harsh, and bitter, and asked questions I'm not sure I should even try to answer.
Not what I needed on an evening I'm spending by myself. Too much time alone to sit and brood.
Had a nice long phone call with Y this evening. Partly to check on him, and partly to clear up a cryptic, but explosive, email I had received from X earlier in the day.
Apparently, X had asked for complete honesty, and got it. And was predictably very upset by what was said.
As far as the phone call goes, Y said some things I was hoping he would say, about how he screwed up and there was no justificaiton for what he did. About how he/they got to point they are now. About how X was trying to make a safe space (his words) to discuss issues each were bothered by. About how X agreed to work harder to fix some of his legal issues (a major sticking point).
And at the same time, a part of me has to wonder, how much was genuine, and how much was just what I wanted to hear? I hate being suspicious of my friends.
About the emails I received from X--let's just say they were typed at the end of long hours of emotional storms, and I don't know whether I should respond at all, or just leave it until X calms down again. They were harsh, and bitter, and asked questions I'm not sure I should even try to answer.
Not what I needed on an evening I'm spending by myself. Too much time alone to sit and brood.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-04 10:26 am (UTC)As soon as I find a less abrasive way of saying that, yes. But if I tried to just repeat that to X as is, it would come out as an attack, because I'm still sore from those emails too. My first reading took those as an attack at me as well as Q; my rational brain says otherwise, X was writing in the midst of an emotional storm.
I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to respond to those or not. X was...well, demanding some kind of an answer about how we could "continue to befriend and support" Q (I think that's how X put it). I've tried to tell X that we're being just as supportive of X & Y as we are of Q, but X doesn't want to hear anything positive about Q, and I don't know how to work around or through that block. Dammit, all three are decent people with potential to be very very good people, who've managed to hurt each other deeply. I don't understand why it's suddenly not a positive thing for me to try to remain supportive of all.
Suggestions most welcome. I'm lost.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-10-04 12:52 pm (UTC)I think that Q would be extremely ill-advised to say anything--not because she's hiding something, but because it serves no purpose whatsoever besides adding fuel to the fire.
If X is writing in the midst of emotional storms this often, she needs to reevaluate the way in which she responds to information she has asked for. If she really wanted to know, she would be able to process the information maturely. Flying off the handle for being told the truth is an astonishingly immature reaction.
Note: assuring someone you "just want to hear the truth" and then going berserk when you hear it is the perfect way to train them to lie to you--even if they were initially inclined to be honest. If you can't handle honesty, at least be honest with yourself and admit that fact, and adjust your coping strategies accordingly. If you can't be calm and mature when presented with the truth, it is a bad idea to ask for it, and the people you do ask would be foolish to give it to you.
The thing that I think I have tried to stress above all else is that you do not have to be perfect and flawless to receive my full support; you merely have to be honest and display a willingness to learn. I have told this to Q a thousand times because I think she needs to hear it; maybe X needs to hear it, too.