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Been thinking
About friends, and former friends, and honor, and respect.
A while back,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jdoryt posted an essay on forgiveness. That sparked questions in my mind about forgiveness, both for myself, and for people around me.
I firmly believe that some things are unforgiveable. Murder, rape, harming a child, betraying your word, burning a book--the usual things, I think.
I've become estranged from a couple of formerly close friends the last two years, because of this. I've talked with one of them, some; not enough to repair the damage, but it's a start. The other.....I just don't know. I realize I should have said something about the original incident when it happened, but at the time, we were very busy, and very tired, and I just didn't know what to say. That, coupled with a realization that this relationship had become very one-sided--well, I just allowed this person to drift away. Part of me feels like I should sit down with the individual, at least long enough to tell them why I've drifted away. Another part of me says don't bother, because they haven't tried to talk to me in the last two years, and they probably haven't noticed I'm gone.
Closer to home, reading Dory's post brought me to realize that there are some things I've never forgiven myself for. Being raped: no matter how many times friends tell me those three nights were not my fault, there's still a twinge of guilt in my mind. Especially about the second time....I knew what I was going to, and had I said something, refused to go, it would not have happened. But I didn't, out of pride, and fear of what my family would say. And that's what I can't forgive, now.
A while back,
jdoryt posted an essay on forgiveness. That sparked questions in my mind about forgiveness, both for myself, and for people around me. I firmly believe that some things are unforgiveable. Murder, rape, harming a child, betraying your word, burning a book--the usual things, I think.
I've become estranged from a couple of formerly close friends the last two years, because of this. I've talked with one of them, some; not enough to repair the damage, but it's a start. The other.....I just don't know. I realize I should have said something about the original incident when it happened, but at the time, we were very busy, and very tired, and I just didn't know what to say. That, coupled with a realization that this relationship had become very one-sided--well, I just allowed this person to drift away. Part of me feels like I should sit down with the individual, at least long enough to tell them why I've drifted away. Another part of me says don't bother, because they haven't tried to talk to me in the last two years, and they probably haven't noticed I'm gone.
Closer to home, reading Dory's post brought me to realize that there are some things I've never forgiven myself for. Being raped: no matter how many times friends tell me those three nights were not my fault, there's still a twinge of guilt in my mind. Especially about the second time....I knew what I was going to, and had I said something, refused to go, it would not have happened. But I didn't, out of pride, and fear of what my family would say. And that's what I can't forgive, now.
Re: household issues
I watched an SCA household implode like that, just before By& I moved to KC (so, 7-8 yrs ago, I guess). We'd been members of the household, but had left when school ate too much of our time to participate, but the four core members had been sharing a home and co-parenting one couple's two children. It was, depending on how many of the group were functional on any given day, either a wonderful place to be, or every argument you'd ever need against communal living. Last we knew, the two couples were living in different towns, and both were near divorce for various reasons.
We fled the drama, and the local SCA, in self-preservation. They'd gotten so wrapped up in their issues with each other, and some members of the local group, they forgot that there were other things to life. Everyone around them was either sucked into the mess, or trying to get out of range. The last time we went back to visit, probably 3 yrs ago, they were still tangled up in their old dramas. Most of the creativity and intelligence that we'd been attracted to in the first place had withered into these old gripes and worries....it's very sad to watch, because individually, they all had potential, but they fed on each other's weaknesses, and just spiralled down.
I've tried to keep this relationship issue out of our group, especially within Heretic Camp, which has enough issues of its own, thank you. Don't know how sucessful that's been.
I unlocked this original post, and commented about it in another post, hoping maybe to start that conversation. We'll see.